My Name is Matthew, and I am a soldier. I have an interesting view that I share from time to time with the folks I encounter as I walk the road. Some of those people have encouraged me to seek out ways to help others or simply share my views or ideas with more people. I will blog on many subjects, from things that piss me off on a daily basis to more important issues such as dealing with chronic depression and the struggles that ensue as a result. I will be taking bits and pieces from emails and rants that I have verbalized as well, so if you see something we have talked about please, smile and nod...Thanks for reading.

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

What I deserve, and why

          I haven't written in a long while, I have been busy with life, it happens. I was prompted to write today as quite a bit has changed in my life lately and I am finding the impulse to express certain new views and opinions.

          Every time we enter into a relationship with someone, I feel most people go into the situation with some sort of expectations. Based on our past we expect the other person to react or behave in a certain way, but there is still a big mystery. We want to discover this new person and we want pleasant little surprises that make us smile and feel a certain kind of way. I feel that having expectations is a great way to be upset and disappointed. The minute you expect something you set yourself up to either be happy or sad. What if you simply let the other person show you who they are with their actions and accept them as they are. What if you allowed the other person to express over time how they behave and what they value and how they intend to treat you.

          I have learned that I don't like to be treated a certain kind of way. Being treated the way I feel I should be, pleases me. Why should I tell someone I'm interested in having a relationship with "This is what you need to do to please me"? Why give away the answer to the test before handing the student the work sheet? Cheating is implied at this point. Of course the other person is going to give you exactly what you want. They want you to do the same. If you don't, they feel used and taken advantage of. Excuse me, I'm sorry but if I tell you what I want and what I need, I need to know the same from you right? Wait wait wait, HOLD THE PHONE. Now we go and try to force someone into our little dream of Mr. or MRS. Right. Instead of simply getting to know someone and finding out if they are even remotely compatible without a cheat sheet.

         I deserve a woman, true and whole, who is feminine and beautiful. I deserve a woman who will respect me, treat me with kindness, and never degrade or insult me. I deserve a woman who is soft and tender and caring, one who understands what it means to nurture and love. I deserve a woman who isn't afraid to tell me what I have done wrong and accept that I will do silly things from time to time. I am a man after all. I deserve a woman who won't write down a list of all the things that I do incorrectly in the context of the relationship but does however take stock of all the little things I do in my efforts to show her how much she means to me and how much I appreciate her. When I screw up, I deserve a woman who will refer to her list and then decide weather or not I'm worth the effort to put up with. I deserve a tender caring woman who can appreciate a man who adores her. I deserve an affectionate woman who enjoys being touched by an affectionate man. I deserve a woman who can appreciate holding hands walking down the street watching the sun go down. Or sitting in a lawn chair on the beach watching the clouds drift by or splashing in the ocean. I deserve a woman who can smile, and make me laugh when I'm feeling down. I deserve a woman who can laugh with me when I'm happy. I deserve a woman who knows her heart and her mind enough to be up front with me and spell it out rather than relying on my non existent psychic powers. I deserve a woman who will taste my cooking and dance in the kitchen with me. I deserve a woman who will push me out of the kitchen and fix a meal or two from time to time. I deserve a woman who can have patience with me when I'm being stubborn and be stubborn with me when I'm patient. I deserve a woman who can laugh with me, and cry with me.

          I am every man in America, and every Woman has their version of this little paragraph. Most of us want the same things from a partner. So why is it rocket science to find a partner? We are all different people with different quirks. Most people don't know themselves enough to know what triggers them or why they ride their emotions like a coaster from time to time. Most people don't know why or how they go from happy to crying. This makes finding someone who knows when to be happy or sad in response to our emotional flow difficult. If you know yourself, and you are honest with the person you want to care for, you are still only halfway there. The world is harsh and cruel, and those of us who do our best to be honest and live by a moral code are few and far between. We end up jaded by those who don't and then hurt others who would have been fine if they hadn't been pushed over the edge by a jaded person. The key to stopping all this nonsense is to be true to who we are and not let someone negative change the way we interact with the rest of the human race.

          I am a nice person, not because everyone I run into is nice to me. I am nice because I respect myself enough not to let others dictate how I behave. Someone is rude to you and makes you spill your coffee, which frustrates you. Then you hurry on your way and trip someone on accident and instead of apologizing you shrug your shoulders and scurry on your way. That person rushes on with their day and bumps into me as I drop a file folder containing 300 sorted copies of paperwork that my boss needs NOW. I take a deep breath, punch my bosses number and tell him that I will be a moment or two behind because the papers slipped. I don't freak out, I control myself. I hold true to who I am because the person who bumped into me cannot control me or my emotions. Neither him nor my boss can ruin my day. I won't give that power away to just anyone.

           I deserve someone who won't hurt me on purpose. NO KIDDING? You would be shocked what people do out of anger from a misunderstanding. Pay attention to WHO YOU ARE and hold true to that. Then what you deserve is irrelevant, you get what you need.


  1. Ah, I missed you. And after reading this you make me want to be 20 years (or more) younger. You are deserve someone who will treat you just as you described above. She's out there. Keep looking. Don't settle!!

    1. I missed you too. Honestly, I'm not going to look. I'm just going to wait and see. I hope you are well.