My Name is Matthew, and I am a soldier. I have an interesting view that I share from time to time with the folks I encounter as I walk the road. Some of those people have encouraged me to seek out ways to help others or simply share my views or ideas with more people. I will blog on many subjects, from things that piss me off on a daily basis to more important issues such as dealing with chronic depression and the struggles that ensue as a result. I will be taking bits and pieces from emails and rants that I have verbalized as well, so if you see something we have talked about please, smile and nod...Thanks for reading.

Monday, March 31, 2014


I woke up today, and hit that button that shuts the alarm off. I curled into my little ball and tried to fall back to sleep before the damn thing went off again. I have to be at work at 6:15, not a moment late or bad things happen. I live, at best, 15 minutes from work. I hit the button again, and tried to imagine myself back asleep, warm and safe and sleepy in my own little dream world. I hit the button again. Then, like a bad dream, reality came in and stole my happy moment. I suddenly realized that I had about five minutes, to get packed, dressed, and out of the house.

I didn't want to move, I wanted to call my boss and tell him that I'm not moving today and I don't care what stupid consequences there would be. I thought about it, then threw the covers off me and raced through my house and out the door. Some how, the only thing I forgot to bring, was the coffee.... *CRY*.

I got to work, intent on not talking to anyone, not being social, not interacting. I just wanted to be left alone to process the events of the last 48 hours. I wanted to be quiet and just do my thing and ride out today. That was the intent. Life, has a funny way of taking our intent from us, laughing at it and then making us do what it wants. I had to lead the group on a run.

In my mood, one of two things was going to happen, either I was going to push the line and hurt myself and my group, or I was going to go slow and calm, and keep it steady. I opted for slow and calm. We ran a little over two miles and made it back with time to spare. Having gone at a leisurely pace, I didn't feel that I hurt anyone. Stretch and on into an ab work out. I pushed just hard enough so that my abs could feel it, and then I let the guys go. Sun light, can increase seratonin, and make us feel better. That's what the PHD's say. I say that if you are out in the sun, and you aren't hurting yourself or working yourself into an early wheel chair, you should be enjoying yourself. I smiled, a genuine smile.

Some how, my day went from, running late and wishing I could sleep all day to this. Now I'm here, typing and all I can think about is, for the next five minutes, I can write and let this out. For the next five minutes, I can put my thoughts into words and breathe. As my co workers chatter in the other room, I can type this out and think freely. Those who love me are offering encouragement. Those who don't can go somewhere nasty and stay there.

Quick sand is real, and it can swallow you up if you let it. That one bad event that turns a good day into something ugly. If you admit that one bad thing can change your day, why can't one good thing? Why can't we allow ourselves to be propelled into the future on good energy and good events? Who the hell says we can't? What right do they have to dictate MY future? ... anyone? ... Class? ... Are you listening? ... NONE.  That's right, no one has the right to ruin my day. Not you, not the moron in the car in front of me doing 5 MPH in a 35. No one. You don't have the right, nor the power to change my good day into a bad one. So, if you aren't smiling and happy and trying to have a good day I have just one question for you... Who said you have to allow things to make you miserable?


  1. If you can smile after a two mile run and then do ab-works you are truly my hero. Hope the rest of your day is good too!

    1. Two miles and some sit ups is an easy day. Some of us work out twice a day. Some work out for two hours at a time. I'm not in horrible shape but I have seen much better days.
      Best wishes and thank you for the comment.

  2. You're got that right - why do we allow ourselves to get sucked up into negative feelings. Loved the title of your blog. So glad to have found you through AtoZ
    Twitter: WriterBizWoman

    1. Thanks for visiting. I will swing by your page soon. I appreciate the comment.