My Name is Matthew, and I am a soldier. I have an interesting view that I share from time to time with the folks I encounter as I walk the road. Some of those people have encouraged me to seek out ways to help others or simply share my views or ideas with more people. I will blog on many subjects, from things that piss me off on a daily basis to more important issues such as dealing with chronic depression and the struggles that ensue as a result. I will be taking bits and pieces from emails and rants that I have verbalized as well, so if you see something we have talked about please, smile and nod...Thanks for reading.

Sunday, June 29, 2014

Wrestling Rages

I would like to talk today about rage. Rage is something we all feel, it can be used to motivate us, it can be used to fuel our desires and push us to do things that we wouldn't otherwise do. Rage can empower us to take risks that we wouldn't otherwise take. One of my favorite bands Blues Traveler has a song where they describe this. "You accept what you would have lost if you stand tall, you might just get it back but you can get it all, so now you know why it's a long way to fall". I love lyrics, sometimes my own words get twisted in my head and it helps to have some music to listen to that can put things into proper perspective. Again, rage can be used here.
We accept the love we believe we deserve. When we are enraged, frustrated beyond words, sometimes we act harshly. We say things we don't mean. We can also act out some of the most powerful and passionate acts when we feel rage. I know that as a man it is in my nature to be in tune with the aggressive side of myself, and when I feel rage it can be used in some very amazing ways. I can move my world around me in an effort to tame the frustrations I feel. I can grip the very fabric of my universe and tear it to shreds when I feel like that. I can cause exquisite pain and rapture all at once. I can cause myself to be in an entirely foreign frame of mind, just to appreciate my reality in another perspective. I demand nothing less of myself. I rage within my sorrow and my pain. I push myself to feel the most astounding pain, just to enjoy the relief when it is removed. Have you ever been in a crying fit, and you clench all your muscles at once, tears barely escape your pinched eyelids. Then you release, and you almost feel like you are floating because the pressure is gone? This is what I am describing.
I can tell you from experience, that we will only endure what we desire to. We can only put up with what we allow ourselves to tolerate. The question, always, is weather or not the intended reward is worth the pain. In most situations in my past I have simply walked away from things that trouble me. ONLY when I hold tight and fight for what I know I should have, do I reap the most wondrous rewards. I fought for 12 years to earn something once. 12 YEARS. When I finally got what I was after, I almost cried. I felt pride and rage, I felt release and joy, I felt the power that comes from defeating a devastating foe. I felt the rage of a conqueror. Then I wept, for there was no more struggle, no more strife to endure or villain to vanquish. I reveled in my own majesty and my own superiority to the task that I had accomplished and I stood tall and proud. Then I felt the intense desire to find another mountain to move. I gathered myself up after a momentary celebration, and pointed myself in the direction of another "impossible" task. I beat that one too. Then, I took a hit. Rage, RAGE against the dying of the light. DO NOT GO DOWN WITHOUT A FIGHT it is said. Challenge those who create rules and standards. Make your own. RAGE with all you are for your own right. Your right to decide not to go down without a sound. SCREAM let there be sound, lest they forget who you are and what you are capable of. DO NOT let them claim you, don't let them shake your unbreakable will. ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE MIGHTY. Feel the power that God gave you to conquer those who would oppose you and refuse to settle for second best. DEFEAT THE DARKNESS WITH YOUR LIGHT, for it is bright and it burns hot, if only you nurture it. RAGE, yes RAGE WITHIN YOURSELF against all that threatens you and your sanity, your safety, your security, your comfort. Do not allow someone else to tell you that things should be some such way. Rules were not made for those who are great enough to ignore them. Bend or break, twist or shatter, be a wrecking ball and demolish the rules and the fabric of the universe. YOU are the only one who can tell you what you can and cannot do. REFUSE to go down easy. STAND and be proud for you are AMAZING. ALLOW YOURSELF TO SHOW IT. Be with pride, yet be humble enough to shed it when the time is right. Be with shame, and sin, for we are fools to deny our inherently fallible nature. However, when you take a hit and you fall, remind yourself that you are mighty and only the mighty recover. Those without the drive are those who are no longer driven. PUSH yourself, stretch your limits, aim high and stand firm in what you believe and what you know to be true. RE DEFINE that which the world would chose to thrust upon you, the chains of reality that weren't meant for you in the first place. FORCE YOURSELF out of your comfort zone and conquer. If you have it in you to do so. If not, please, step aside, I have work to do.
I wish you all the best.

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