Every
person has it in them to be something GREAT. Every single person, I am
convinced that if we all took the time to understand ourselves we could
discover our strengths and our weaknesses, all
that is left to do is capitalize on one and then the other will work
itself out over time. Work WITH your strengths and the weaknesses will slowly
be dealt with.
A man,
is not just a male human being at or above the age of 18. In my opinion a man
has certain qualities or he simply is a grown child. The qualifiers for me are
relatively simple. As a young man we learn the difference between right and
wrong. To know that difference and attempt at all times to do the right thing
regardless of who is watching is a degree of integrity. A man has this
integrity and doesn't care who is watching or isn't watching. A man does his
best to do the right thing at all times. No one is perfect and I’m not
suggesting that cutting corners isn't warranted in the right situations. I’m
not even suggesting that there is no grey area out there. The entire human race
lives and breathes in this grey and it must be appreciated, observed, and
understood. If you have the mindset that there is simply black and white in
this world, right and wrong, then I personally believe that you are misguided.
Yes, there are some things that are pretty cut and dry. If you lie, simply to
gain something for yourself with no care of who you hurt, I would say that you
are doing something wrong. However, if you omit the truth in order to spare
someone great pain, instead of an outright lie, what you have done is obscure
the truth in order to spare someone suffering that would serve no purpose.
There is always an extenuating circumstance. No one should be able to judge
another person. You are your own judge. Understand though, that you alone are
responsible for your own actions. Nothing can spare you the guilt, or anger, or
frustration you will feel if you do something wrong simply for personal gain. A
man, in short, is honest. Once we learn what it means to have honesty and
integrity, as children growing older we seek to conquer. Well, one thing we can
conquer is a home. A place to stay, and dwell. A man is someone who provides
for his own. A man will provide a home, and safety for his family. A man is
interested in keeping those close to him safe and secure. You can’t do that if
you don’t provide for your family. If the only way you can do that is writing a
novel, then you can do that. If you need to work two jobs to put the food on
the table, you do that. A man, is not afraid of sacrificing for those he loves.
As a young man I took an oath in a program designed for young men. “On my honor
I will do my best to do my duty to God and my Country”. I took that seriously
then and I take it seriously now. As a young man I went to church, and I
devoted hours to prayer and understanding of God. I’m not here to preach that,
what you believe in is on you. I would pass on the same wisdom my father passed
on to me though. Whatever you chose to believe, whatever you chose to say you
believe, you might want to completely understand it before you say you belong
there. People make assessments and assumptions about those they encounter.
Human nature dictates that when we approach someone we gather information about
them. A simple, pure example of this is the interactions between children
playing on a playground.
“Hi!” Ryan says to the strange boy in front of him at the
playground.
“Hi!” The young man responds.
“I’m 5, how old are you?” Ryan makes an attempt to assess
the other boy by age.
“I’m 7, my name is Ethan, what’s yours?” Ethan then offers
some personal information in an attempt at forming a basic understanding beyond
age.
“I’m Ryan, I can run really fast.” Ryan gives his name to
Ethan and expresses a desire to show his physical strengths.
The
encounter progresses and eventually the boys play hard running around and
exploring the playground together playing Army men and having fun. A person
observing this from the outside would take for granted that the very basic
simple things we do as people is so simple and clear. These young men were
doing what we as adults do every single day. The exchange. This is me, this is
how I see myself, who are you? How do you see yourself? Can we be friends? This
is relevant because, as a man, we must advance past this level of
thinking and seeing the world. We have
to learn that once the simple definition process is over, we must learn how to
interact with other people on a level of understanding. A man, for example,
will not only make the assessment of friend or foe, he will go so far as to
think do I need to help this person or stay out of their way? He may ask
questions to decide if this person is going to help or hurt them and their
family. Everyone has the ability to affect us, when you walk down the street or
through your office even. Take a moment and try this if you can. The next time
you go to work, fake a smile. Smile as big as you can at everyone you
encounter. Even if you are having a rough morning. You spilled your coffee, you
got to work 5 minutes late or worse. You did everything wrong in the morning
and are having a horrible Monday. Yes, even then, fake a smile. Approach
everyone you meet with a big smile and a kind word. See how many people return
the smile. You are infectious. Suddenly the people you work with are happy, if
only for a moment. The next day, don’t say anything at all, just get in your
head how angry you are about the state of the Economy or the weather or the
fact that your date didn't appreciate the flowers you got her last night. Get
this look of contempt on your face and walk through your work like that. See
how many people ask you what’s wrong. See how many people scowl back at you.
See how many people don’t act like they take notice. We are lost in our own
little worlds and we don’t allow others to affect us, or we lie to ourselves
and say that they don’t. The fact is, they do, and we allow it to happen
without knowing it. I work in an auto repair shop, our hours fluctuate and go
crazy from time to time. I am a middle manager and I don’t always get my hands
on vehicles. More often than not I am trying to help my team out and ensure
that my people are being taken care of and getting work done that I organize
for them to do. Our hours were CRAZY for 3 weeks straight, everyone was down
and tired of working such insane hours. I came in to work, smiling and “happy”.
I put on some upbeat music and started acting goofy. I bounced around the shop giving my people
High Fives and talking about how awesome it was that it was finally FRIDAY. My
men went from being completely miserable to happy and excited. They went from
moping around to being happy and getting work done. They asked me if I had been
taking illicit drugs or had a particularly eventful night with a woman. They
asked me if I had too much coffee. Suddenly I was the subject of conversation.
I didn't have the heart to tell them that I was just as miserable about the
hours that they were. I didn't have the heart to tell them that I was simply
manipulating them to get more work done and pass the time in a productive
manner rather than sulking about the horrible hours. The work got done, and we
went home. A man, can understand this and change his mood and attitude to have
a positive effect on those around him. A man is patient and kind, and
understanding. A man has the basic understanding of the world around him enough
to know when to tone things down and deescalate the situation. A man also
understands that failure is not always something to be avoided or feared.
Sometimes all you can do is fail. Sometimes failing can lead to the greatest
successes. When we try something that doesn't work, we know that, and we
calculate that it didn't work. One less thing to try next time. We have the
ability to learn from our mistakes. Men should be aware of this and not be so
childish when things don’t go according to plan. In Combat we have this effect
called the “fog of war”. This is something used to describe the chaos that
happened when things get hot and heavy. In too many situations men get lost in
the confusion of the moment and get bogged down trying to multitask. It’s okay
to understand this effect and properly compensate for it. With a moment or two
of preparation, the effect can be minimized and sometimes eliminated. If you
know for example, that you are about to perform a complex series of moves. You
can set yourself a list of point to point planning. From here I’m going there,
from there to there and so on. That way when things get crazy you know where
you are, where you were, and where you are going. If you put it on paper or in
your head, you can adjust on the fly without losing the whole thing. If you
only know your end state, you may get lost in the middle and not do what you
set out to do in the first place. A man, in short, can keep his head. All this
is just my opinion and not a clinical fact or some form of a doctor’s reference
book. A man understands his strengths and weaknesses. He knows that he’s not
good at multitasking, for example. Most men can do simple things if we are used
to the operation, but for the most part we are lousy at doing many complex
tasks at once. What a man can do with this is understand that and compensate or
account for it ahead of time. A simple pad of paper and a pen and 4 or 5 seconds
of notes can solve the whole issue. Another silly “weakness” men have is our
pride. It gets in the way. Some men reading this book read that last bit about
the pad of paper and pen and go “no way, I’ll look like a fool taking notes all
the time”. You may, your coworkers may think less of you for writing everything
down. I’m not going to speculate what your coworkers will think of you. What I
can promise you, is that if it makes you a better worker, your boss will notice
and you may end up with a raise. You may end up preforming better than those
who are poking fun at you for always having your note book. The way I see it,
if it makes me a better worker, screw them. If I can go through my entire day,
without asking my boss one question, because I took notes and got that out of
the way in the morning, and I get everything done, I’m a success. If I can
manage my team and keep my guys busy all day long and get more accomplished
than the guy or girl next to me, then I did a good job today. I don’t care much
for how. I don’t care if I had to pack my lunch and eat on the fly because I
worked through lunch checking and re checking my paperwork. I want my boss’s
job, and I want to work in charge of those people whom I work with now. I don’t
want to sit still.
What
makes a man super? What makes a regular man something extra ordinary, is the ability
to go beyond the basics. To see an opportunity and capitalize on it is one
thing. To be hungry for the opportunity and search for it and find it hiding in
the corners of life, is what sets us aside. To actively hunt down and find the
secret little parts of the world that wait those brave and strong enough to
climb the tree for the ripest juicy fruit on the branch. You have to be willing
to fall out of the tree. You have to be willing to get bit by the thorns. You
have to be willing to risk the fall. You also have to be confident enough to
try.
