My Name is Matthew, and I am a soldier. I have an interesting view that I share from time to time with the folks I encounter as I walk the road. Some of those people have encouraged me to seek out ways to help others or simply share my views or ideas with more people. I will blog on many subjects, from things that piss me off on a daily basis to more important issues such as dealing with chronic depression and the struggles that ensue as a result. I will be taking bits and pieces from emails and rants that I have verbalized as well, so if you see something we have talked about please, smile and nod...Thanks for reading.

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Forgiveness and other "F" words

Sometimes, we like to get ourselves into trouble. Sometimes it's just been too long sence the last speeding ticket or the last fight with our Significant Other (S.O.) Sometimes we have an urge to mis behave. Sometimes we simply screw up big.

I recently had a few dealings with such business. We all have those moments where we realize that we goofed up seriously. We all have moments where someone else offends us or hurts us in such a way that we feel hatred or anger or just frustration with that person. Sometimes when you least expect it the things tumbling out of your mouth can cut the person you care about to the bone.

Many different faiths out there talk about forgiveness. Just about every faith I know of says that we should forgive those who wrong us. Holding on to anger and resentment is simply not healthy. It pulls us down that dark road. However I have a certain belief I'd like to share.

If I wrong you, in any way shape form or fashon, I don't expect you to forgive me. I don't feel that you owe it to me to forgive me for the wrong that I have done. I certainly don't expect you to let me off the hook, no no. If I have done something wrong or hurt someone I feel the shame and frustration within myself that comes with knowing that you screwed up. In short, I have a concience.

I have a rocky relationship with some of the people in my life. Some people I have to keep at arms length to be safe. Protecting myself is something I have become quite adept at doing. Once I felt frustrated and confused so I went to a Priest and asked the simple question. "Father, I'v been hurt by someone I love, and I believe I have indeed forgiven that person, but I don't want to be near that person any more. Does this mean that I haven't completely forgiven them ?" The Priest took a moment and then addressed my concerns. "You know, you can forgive someone who has hurt you but not allow them the opportunity to hurt you again. You can even forgive someone and never tell them that you have indeed forgiven them. It might bring closure to the situation if you do, but forgiveness isn't owed".

Sometimes clergy is the best place to go for advice. I'm sure many would agree to this. The opinion may be based in a religon that you aren't completely comfortable with, but you can pretty well guarentee that the advice will be based on a set of morals and values that are wholesome and fair. There are exceptions to this, and I'm not going to breech the subject of religon here, that's not the point I'm making. The point that I'm trying to make is that sometimes the best advice is un biased. Then again, sometimes the best advice is from someone who knows you well and cares about you.

I encourage you to take stock every so often and ask yourself if you have hurt someone. "Have I said something to offend someone I care about?" Sometimes we don't even know that we have hurt someone until we ask them. "Did I upset you when I said X Y Z ?". Or ... "Did it bother you when I came home from work and jumped straight into the shower without asking you how your day was?". Sometimes we are so wrapped up in our own stuff that we ignore those closest to us and it never even occurs to us that we have done something wrong. Ask, and then ask that person to please try to find it in their heart to forgive you. Genuinely appologise. Making amends is never easy, but if you don't try you never will. So much in life revolves around that.

If you aren't happy, either do something about it, or continue to be un happy.

As for forgiveness, try not to take it for granted. Try to earn it. Try to remember when to ask for it.

Thank you for reading.


  1. Your writing ALWAYS makes me think you are writing just for me. Wow do I need to ask for a lot of forgiveness. At least ask in my heard. Or forgive in my head, and heart, but don't tell them I forgive them. You said it right on......if you aren't happy, either do something about it, or continue to be unhappy....

  2. Paula, you always send the most sincere comments. When I write here, it is because I found something worth sharing. Life is a struggle, I believe and it's not supposed to be easy. We all make mistakes, but we don't deserve to be forgiven. Forgiveness is a gift. One we freely give or do not give at all. I wish you the best. Thank you for your comment.