Perspective

Every so often we are afforded a great opportunity to see things from a different direction than we are used to. Often times this comes when we least expect it. We get so wrapped up in what is important to us that we forget that the rest of the world is spinning around and that there are other people there who have their own issues to attend to as well. In short, we develop into the kind of thinking that makes us feel as though we are the center of the world.

If you have read my post before, you know that I don't judge. As a matter of fact I do my very best not to and I strive to keep an open mind. However, I am not immune to getting wrapped up in my own little world. I am not above the thinking that lends itself to the selfish nature I'm attempting to describe.

Childish and selfish is the person who thinks, even for a moment that the world revolves around them. "I can deal with that, I've been called worse" I say to myself as I write this. We all have our own roe to hoe as it is said. We all have our own cross to bear, bridge to build and bridge to burn from time to time.

Someone at work upset me the other day and called me out publicly about a very sensitive subject. I pat myself on the back as I tell you that I handled the situation the best way possible I think. First thing I did was calm down and not over react. Then I attempted to process the events, not the emotions I was feeling about them. My supervisor wanted things done, and he was taking his frustration out on me and committing a personal attack. First things first, get the job done. Which I did, and then asked to speak to him privately. Then I allowed myself to be wrong, I know that I'm not perfect and I didn't do the job he wanted me to do the way he wanted me to do it. So, I simply admitted that I screwed up and what I was doing to fix the mistake. I then stood up for myself, properly. Any fool can get upset when they are attacked and sling insults or throw punches. It is in our nature to defend ourselves. What we should do, instead, is find out exactly why we feel so attacked and address that. I told my boss, clearly, that I respect him and look up to him for sage wisdom and advice when I'm confused or unsure of things. This gives him the credit he deserves for being in charge and working hard to get to a position I aspire to. Then I allowed him to see what he did that offended me. "I felt X when you said Y in front of other people". "I was offended that you called me out in public over a personal mater and it violated the trust and confidence I place in you as my boss". More or less. I allowed him the opportunity to explain and apologise if he felt the need to. I did not expect an apology or an explanation, he is after all, my boss. As he did explain and apologise, even offered up to not do such a thing again, I felt that my trust and confidence was not misplaced. A strong leader will never be afraid to admit that they too are mortal, they too make mistakes, and they too are not perfect. A strong leader may find themselves in a position to be bogged down with things to do and stresses to be managed and say or do something without thinking it all the way through. In my opinion, a strong leader will apologise when they have done wrong.

As a person, we can take this lesson home and realize that as parents, as Brothers, and Sisters, we can have the same effect on our families. As a Boyfriend or Girlfriend, we can affect the people we care about in the same way. The equation stays the same, the variables change. Again, I say in my opinion, because I don't know everything about being a leader. I certainly know nothing about being a parent. Although I am a Brother, an Uncle, and a Son, I am a Nephew and a co worker. I fill the role of leader at work, and I fill the role of Boyfriend to my Lady Friend. The best way to avoid saying "I'm sorry" is to think clearly and thoroughly before saying or doing something. As people, we don't always do that, and often times we find ourselves in a position to offer someone dear to us an apology. I don't always say I'm sorry, sometimes I wait and think about the whole situation.

It's very easy to say "ooops! I screwed up, I'm so sorry" when we do something that affects someone we care about. Almost as a quick measure to ensure that the relationship stays on good terms. For me, if it's not heart felt, why waste the breath? So when someone I care about explains to me that I did something wrong or upset or hurt them in some way, I do what I should have done in the first place and think. I take my time to try to understand exactly what I did and how I could prevent future screw ups.

Recently, I upset someone I care for and was completely beside myself when they got upset. I had to think about what I did and why. I had to try to understand exactly what happened and how I could prevent recurrences. When I did offer my apology, I explained. "I will no longer write an immediate response to emails I receive in the morning. I will read the email and digest it and then respond when I am clear headed enough to understand." My apology was heart felt and sincere. I explained what I will do in the future and how I will mitigate the situation. I did not expect a pardon. What we do, every day, teaches those we interact with about us. We shower knowledge on people every moment of every day. That knowledge can be good or bad, and it can leave a good or bad impression. Taking the time to think things through will never be a bad idea. The only exception I can think of is life and death. In that case, defending yourself, your home, or your family should always, ALL WAYS be the primary focus. Even in the heat of battle, you can take a second or two to try to understand exactly what is happening and make a rational decision though. Making a bad decision can haunt you for your entire life. Some times there simply is no going back. Some times, the decision you make is the one you live with for the rest of your days.

I will never forget the events of the Summer of 2003 and the events that took place so far from home. I thank God for whatever it was in me that allowed me to take pause, when every fiber of my being told me to react.

I wish you all the best, and sincerely hope that you have the opportunity to apologise when the time comes, we are all human after all, and we all make mistakes.

Sincerely,
Matthew

Forgiveness and other "F" words

Sometimes, we like to get ourselves into trouble. Sometimes it's just been too long sence the last speeding ticket or the last fight with our Significant Other (S.O.) Sometimes we have an urge to mis behave. Sometimes we simply screw up big.

I recently had a few dealings with such business. We all have those moments where we realize that we goofed up seriously. We all have moments where someone else offends us or hurts us in such a way that we feel hatred or anger or just frustration with that person. Sometimes when you least expect it the things tumbling out of your mouth can cut the person you care about to the bone.

Many different faiths out there talk about forgiveness. Just about every faith I know of says that we should forgive those who wrong us. Holding on to anger and resentment is simply not healthy. It pulls us down that dark road. However I have a certain belief I'd like to share.

If I wrong you, in any way shape form or fashon, I don't expect you to forgive me. I don't feel that you owe it to me to forgive me for the wrong that I have done. I certainly don't expect you to let me off the hook, no no. If I have done something wrong or hurt someone I feel the shame and frustration within myself that comes with knowing that you screwed up. In short, I have a concience.

I have a rocky relationship with some of the people in my life. Some people I have to keep at arms length to be safe. Protecting myself is something I have become quite adept at doing. Once I felt frustrated and confused so I went to a Priest and asked the simple question. "Father, I'v been hurt by someone I love, and I believe I have indeed forgiven that person, but I don't want to be near that person any more. Does this mean that I haven't completely forgiven them ?" The Priest took a moment and then addressed my concerns. "You know, you can forgive someone who has hurt you but not allow them the opportunity to hurt you again. You can even forgive someone and never tell them that you have indeed forgiven them. It might bring closure to the situation if you do, but forgiveness isn't owed".

Sometimes clergy is the best place to go for advice. I'm sure many would agree to this. The opinion may be based in a religon that you aren't completely comfortable with, but you can pretty well guarentee that the advice will be based on a set of morals and values that are wholesome and fair. There are exceptions to this, and I'm not going to breech the subject of religon here, that's not the point I'm making. The point that I'm trying to make is that sometimes the best advice is un biased. Then again, sometimes the best advice is from someone who knows you well and cares about you.

I encourage you to take stock every so often and ask yourself if you have hurt someone. "Have I said something to offend someone I care about?" Sometimes we don't even know that we have hurt someone until we ask them. "Did I upset you when I said X Y Z ?". Or ... "Did it bother you when I came home from work and jumped straight into the shower without asking you how your day was?". Sometimes we are so wrapped up in our own stuff that we ignore those closest to us and it never even occurs to us that we have done something wrong. Ask, and then ask that person to please try to find it in their heart to forgive you. Genuinely appologise. Making amends is never easy, but if you don't try you never will. So much in life revolves around that.

If you aren't happy, either do something about it, or continue to be un happy.

As for forgiveness, try not to take it for granted. Try to earn it. Try to remember when to ask for it.

Thank you for reading.
Sincerely,
Matthew

Monday Morning

This past weekend, I was instructed to relax. I was told by my favorite Lady that I need to stop stressing so much because it was causing me tension in my back. I described in another post that depression has physical symptoms that are just as bad as the emotional ones. Stressing can be just as bad. I have aches and pains that become more prevelant when I'm not careful about how much I stress.

This posting is about some methods I use to control and limit how much of that stress and anxiety I allow myself to feel. As you may have read in recent posts, I have things that are going on that keep me very wound up. My personal life and my work life are both points of stress for me as the situation evolves. There are good days and bad, as I suspect we all go through.

I have created for myself, little rewards and simple pleasures that I can enjoy when I've had a particularly bad or good day. One example, is a simple one, I have a sweet tooth. I know that my metabolism isn't what it was when I was 20 years old. Back then I could eat an entire cake, run 5 miles, and never see the weight hit me. My body would absorb it and float on by like it's no big deal, never adding a pound. Today, I'm a bit older and my body tends to take longer to break down fatty and sugary foods. One reward I have developed for myself is a pie. I made an apple pie last weekend, which was fun in the kitchen, it got me up and moving, and it wasn't straight sugar. Yes, pie is fattening, but it's not as bad as a big chocolate cake. I make chicken fajitas on my cast iron grill pan when I'm in the mood for them as well. Cooking is something I enjoy and having a menue laid out for me during the week gives me something to look forward to. Not only am I thinking about dinner tonight, I'm thinking about the fun it will be to cook it.

MJ, is a dear friend and relative and she has a crochet blog. Until recently she didn't realize that I crochet as well. I have used her blog to give me ideas and tips for projects to create. My back has been sore lately and getting up and going for a run on Saturday just doesn't seem to be something I'm ready to do anymore. However, I did go out and shop for some good quality yarn and start a blanket this weekend. It turns out that the lady checking me out of the store has a husband who just got done making blankets for their grand kids. I'm not the only guy out there who crochets! Not that I give a flying four letter word about what anyone thinks of how I spend my off time, but it is comforting to know that there are other guys out there who make things.

Personally, it's a point of pride for me when I create something out of raw materials that I can use. I make key chains out of leather and hemp, I grow my own herbs that I use to cook with, and I can now make blankets to keep warm with during the winter season. As I may be moving to a colder climate sometime in the future, and the winter where I am isn't exactly tropic, I am sure that whatever blankets I make will be used. I may also make a scarf or two. Imagine wearing a home made scarf that matches the one your Significant Other (S.O.) is wearing. For me, it's a silly pride thing.

Taking time for yourself should be something we all do. Working hard is good for the budget and such but you will burn yourself out if that is all you do. Work, come home, eat dinner, and then sleep. Seeking to have some hobby or a couple of hobbies that you do will enrich your life and make you feel some internal joy that you might not otherwise experience.

When I get home from work, I take a hot shower and clear my head of all the garbage from work. Then I turn on some good music and dance in the kitchen while I fix my dinner. After dinner I typically write or work on a crochet project while passively watching a T.V. show. There is no need to sit idle while watching T.V. Why not keep my hands busy making something beautiful and useful? The point I'm trying to make is that you don't have to keep yourself busy climbing rock walls. Not everyone is that athletic, or has that kind of time. However, if you have little things that you can look forward to, it may help bring you up out of the funk you find yourself in after a particularly hard day.

Being generous helps too. I made a mess of pickled peppers, twenty jars, and brought them to work for my co workers. I have had many people I work with who have asked for more. I suggested a five dollar donation per jar to keep me from spending all sorts of money on projects that I just give away. The first round is always free, the seccond I will ask for help with the cost. I'm not making any profit what so ever, but I'm not giving my own self into poverty either. The point is, if you can find something that you enjoy doing and share that with other people, you have this abundance of things that you gather enjoyment from. Cooking or crocheting things, keeping your idle hands busy, and making friends and or co workers smile by sharing your passion with them.

Any time I find myself in a particular funk, I either find a new recipie to cook or I come up with a new project of some sort to keep myself busy. It's hard to be miserable when you are actively working on making something. Even planting my little window garden, keeps me busy and I get to watch my plants grow. I water them every day and I keep the window blinds open to allow the sun to hit them. Sun is a good thing, it helps you stay positive.

I wish you all the best of luck and send prayers and positive energy toward you all. Thank you for reading.

Trouble

I'm a "normal" person. I have good days and bad, some worse than others. I have deadlines and stress at work like anyone else. I recently had to confront something I had done wrong. I was ashamed and embarrassed. I felt as though I should know better. I felt like I let my people down. As a leader I can tell you nothing hurts worse than feeling like you let people who depend on you down.
Everyone makes mistakes, sometimes there is no going back. Some times there is no second chance. Some times, you have to stand there, and confront what you did wrong, and do your best to learn from it. Yes, I made mistakes, and no, I wasn't thinking clearly. My people were in a tough spot because of something I could have prevented. I have a saying, "if you can hold yourself responsible for the good things your people do, then you should be able to take responsibility for the bad things they do as well." How can I, as a leader take compliments based on the labor of my people, if I can't stand up and take responsibility for when they do wrong? Worse, when what I have done has put them in jeopardy.
What I failed to do, for myself is something I take extra care in preventing when I deal with my subordinates. When someone who works with me does something wrong, before imposing a punishment, I take into account their good deeds as well as the thing that got them into trouble. I won't list my good deeds here for your amusement or reading pleasure. Suffice to say that I have helped out my people in many ways and I have gone out of my way time and time again. No one has ever called me for help and not gotten it. That much I can tell you, proudly.
Facing my misdeeds is not such an easy thing to do, but I stood there, and took my punishment. I didn't run from it, or hide. I didn't say that it was someone else's fault. I didn't blame my people, for something I should have prevented. I have learned allot about leadership sense the incident, but today's lesson was the culmination of that class. I had to learn to accept that I did something wrong, and that it didn't define me. My failure, and my transgression doesn't define me. I am not, without blame. I am not without shame, or sorrow, I am not without pride either. I have done good things, and I have been recognized for my good deeds, some of them anyways. Some I would prefer no one ever know about but the person they affected. I'd like to keep it that way, in the interest of modesty and humility. Irony, is that I feel the same way about my transgressions.
As I was listening to my punishment today, I was upset. I felt as if I was a failure, and a horrible leader. Let this entry into my blog serve as a mode of support for anyone who has done something they wish they could take back, or change. You cannot change the past, but you can learn from it. I certainly have. Don't allow your failures to define you, chop them up into little bits and pieces and chew slowly that you may digest them and glean from them whatever good they may provide you. Never forget your failures, but don't allow them to overshadow the goodness within you, for we all have goodness within us. We all have moments of extreme pride, and fulfillment. There deserves to be a balance within us of good and bad. If we find ourselves without flaw, we might need to look a little closer, or take the next steps with great care. Whenever you feel as though you are high on life, you are careless and complacent. When the world is falling down around your ears, lift your head and strain to hear the sounds. There may be a rescue party heading your way. You won't hear it with your head in the sand.
I sincerely hope that this entry gives you hope and pause. Take stock and inventory. My best wishes and, as always, thank you for reading.  

Moment

I woke up today, and hit that button that shuts the alarm off. I curled into my little ball and tried to fall back to sleep before the damn thing went off again. I have to be at work at 6:15, not a moment late or bad things happen. I live, at best, 15 minutes from work. I hit the button again, and tried to imagine myself back asleep, warm and safe and sleepy in my own little dream world. I hit the button again. Then, like a bad dream, reality came in and stole my happy moment. I suddenly realized that I had about five minutes, to get packed, dressed, and out of the house.

I didn't want to move, I wanted to call my boss and tell him that I'm not moving today and I don't care what stupid consequences there would be. I thought about it, then threw the covers off me and raced through my house and out the door. Some how, the only thing I forgot to bring, was the coffee.... *CRY*.

I got to work, intent on not talking to anyone, not being social, not interacting. I just wanted to be left alone to process the events of the last 48 hours. I wanted to be quiet and just do my thing and ride out today. That was the intent. Life, has a funny way of taking our intent from us, laughing at it and then making us do what it wants. I had to lead the group on a run.

In my mood, one of two things was going to happen, either I was going to push the line and hurt myself and my group, or I was going to go slow and calm, and keep it steady. I opted for slow and calm. We ran a little over two miles and made it back with time to spare. Having gone at a leisurely pace, I didn't feel that I hurt anyone. Stretch and on into an ab work out. I pushed just hard enough so that my abs could feel it, and then I let the guys go. Sun light, can increase seratonin, and make us feel better. That's what the PHD's say. I say that if you are out in the sun, and you aren't hurting yourself or working yourself into an early wheel chair, you should be enjoying yourself. I smiled, a genuine smile.

Some how, my day went from, running late and wishing I could sleep all day to this. Now I'm here, typing and all I can think about is, for the next five minutes, I can write and let this out. For the next five minutes, I can put my thoughts into words and breathe. As my co workers chatter in the other room, I can type this out and think freely. Those who love me are offering encouragement. Those who don't can go somewhere nasty and stay there.

Quick sand is real, and it can swallow you up if you let it. That one bad event that turns a good day into something ugly. If you admit that one bad thing can change your day, why can't one good thing? Why can't we allow ourselves to be propelled into the future on good energy and good events? Who the hell says we can't? What right do they have to dictate MY future? ... anyone? ... Class? ... Are you listening? ... NONE.  That's right, no one has the right to ruin my day. Not you, not the moron in the car in front of me doing 5 MPH in a 35. No one. You don't have the right, nor the power to change my good day into a bad one. So, if you aren't smiling and happy and trying to have a good day I have just one question for you... Who said you have to allow things to make you miserable?

Little steps

Sometimes I forget that the small steps make the biggest difference. I watched a movie today, and while watching it, I broke down into tears no less than five separate times. I kept seeing myself in the main character. I kept identifying with the issues being displayed. I kept feeling alone and un-heard. I kept feeling as though I was in a private hell designed just for me. I kept feeling as though I would never find comfort again. I thought of myself as alone. Reaching out is sometimes the hardest thing to do.
       I sent a text to my boss, telling him I was going through some troubling times. I sent a text to my Lover, telling her that I was sorry I was so out of it. I tried to explain that, I have been feeling like Super Man lately and I thought that I would be okay without my medication. I thought that I was all right. I felt that I was doing well. I felt confident, that I didn't need the medication. I was wrong. I pushed myself into a corner, shut out the lights, and expected the world to make sense again. I went down the rabbit hole without my flash light. There are dark and scary things in that little rabbit hole. There are things that would make you wish you had some support.
         No one should ever feel alone. No one should ever feel that the walls are closing in on them and there is no where to go. That leads down a dark dark road that no one should ever walk down. The doors start to close and there seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel. Suddenly there is light, and we rush for it, only to see that it is a train bearing down on us with no mercy. There is mercy in this world, there are people there to help us when we stumble and fall. There are ways to deal with the darkness, there is a hope, that doesn't turn out to be a train. We must stand firm and try again. We must pick ourselves up when we fall. We cannot rely on the world to help us. We cannot rely on our family or friends to understand us. We cannot rely on our friends to understand the twisted reality we have  woven for ourselves to live within. That is ours, and we dare not share it with anyone. The moment we do, we allow that reality to be crushed under the boot heels of our "friends". We allow them power over a secret world that is our own. Hold dear to your truths for they are yours. Hold dear to who you are, for it is all you have. When the lights go out, and the world fades into the black beyond, you have only yourself. That can be a comfort to those who are introverts. Those who need not other people who can understand. Those of us who still need the world, those of us who are not yet capable of being completely alone to our own devices. Those of us who still need the medication, we must hold tight to ourselves, and not allow for vulnerability.
        Prayer, and faith, some would say, will see you through. Self help, and a better understanding of who you are, others would argue is the ultimate goal. Some people will throw ideas at you like a child in the kitchen trying to decide if the spaghetti is done or not. Waiting for something to stick to the cabinet doors, trying to push ideas until they make sense to a mind warped by the torments of the past. Some people would watch and learn from you and dissect like a scientist with a foreign bug, trying to see where the heart, liver, and lungs are. They will rip you to shreds only to tell you your darkest secrets without you ever knowing you gave any inclination you had such a troubling past. They do this in order to show you that you aren't alone, someone else had the same issues long ago. That is great for the doctor, but it doesn't help YOU. It doesn't explain or mitigate the pain you currently suffer from! YOU need answers, YOU need a new way of thinking, a new method for dealing with the issues that make you cry when a commercial comes on the radio. YOU need a method for process that doesn't involve the subjugation to romanticized versions of a past not your own but embellished from bits and pieces of other people's drama in order to placate you and lure you into a false sense of well being. YOU need to be okay with who you are, and not a bit of rhetoric from the past or some text book answers will do.
        Yesterday I wrote about courage, and I puffed and huffed and blew smoke as thick as I could. I lied to you and to myself, because at the moment that lie gave me strength. Now, I feel defeated and lost. At the moment I feel alone, completely out of touch with anyone and anything. I am in no danger of hurting myself. I set that block a long time ago, I simply won't do that. But what do I tell you about someone who hasn't yet set that block who is where I am mentally right now, this very second?
        What I can tell you, is that if you are reading this, you are alive. You are trying to understand the message that I am attempting to convey with the limited vocabulary that I have. You therefor, haven't given up yet. You may be in pain, and I may never know you or understand the depth of pain you feel, but you are in pain none the less. Maybe you aren't in pain, and you just can remember a time when you were, and are hoping that my words may help for the next time you are in pain. Either case, this is relevant. Someone I know once said "We are all either in a storm, just coming out of one, or heading directly into one". The message is that, trials don't just stop. Mental pain and suffering is a part of life that we must learn to mitigate. If you are reading this you are still alive. You can still process.
            SAVOR every moment. I don't mean, SUFFER every moment. We all suffer, it's no fun, so screw that. SAVOR every moment. Make each one powerful and potent. Take everything you can from every single moment. As I lay on my couch huffing and sniveling into a tissue, I tried to understand the thought process. SAVOR. Yes, savor. Truly appreciate your suffering. If you are spiritual, offer that suffering up as a gift to GOD. If you are Catholic or Christian, offer that suffering up to God or Jesus as a testament that you are human and you too suffer. Acknowledge that you are going through a trial and you are trying to do your job of carrying your cross. If you aren't religious, savor that pain and realize that the simple fact that you can feel it means that you are alive and therefor have defeated the object of your pain. You have control over that very moment. Yes, it hurts, YES it is bringing you to tears, YES your chest feels like an elephant has decided to stomp you into nothing. YES, the pain is real. YES you can still feel it. You have the ability to perceive pain. You are alive, and therefor the battle is not over yet. You are not in the ground yet, it has not claimed you. YOU still have the moment. YOU still have control over that still small bit of yourself that feels, and you are allowing yourself to feel pain. Breath in, and breathe out. You can make it through this.

If at any time, you feel as though you can't THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO CARE ABOUT YOU THAT YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW ABOUT. Aunts, Uncles, Parents, friends, co workers, Chaplins, Priests, Clergy, 1-800-273-TALK, Any hospital will take you in and help you talk it out. REACH OUT. If I can do it, anyone can.
I wish you all the best. Thank you for reading

Courage

When you think of courage, you probably imagine the Cowardly Lion from the Wizard of Oz. Maybe you imagine a movie with soldiers dying on some foreign field of battle. Maybe you imagine courage as something more real and tangible. Maybe for you, courage is the face in the mirror. Maybe for you courage is waking up in the morning and getting out of bed and going to work knowing that today could be just as lousy as yesterday but I'm going to go to work and do my best anyways. Maybe courage is that first date, after you were courageous enough to ask for the phone number that she gave you while feeling nervous her own self.

Whatever you call it, we all have it. We all have this internal STUFF that gets activated and gives us strength when we know we should be hiding and cowering in the corner. Something inside us all forces us to stand up and challenge the bully. Something inside every one of us tells that face in the mirror, "I'm NOT DONE YET!". Something cosmic takes place in that moment when we stand instead of  cower. Something very real and powerful happens to us. We rise up and challenge the world, the enemy, our own self, who ever stands between us and what we believe, or what we want. Something that can scare us so bad that we want to run and hide, loses power in that instance and we gain it. The shift in power gives us hope, or drive.

Every single day of my life, I have a challenge. I'm not always sure what it will be, but sure enough, every day there is something I must learn from, understand, challenge, or conquer. Something happens just about every single day that makes me take a second look at the man in the mirror and wonder, what will he do next? Most often I have to overcome my urge to be scared, or second guess myself. Some times, it's a better understanding of the people around me that I'm challenged to grasp. Sometimes I have to dig for it, I'm' sad and angry and alone and feeling it and I'm not sure WHY!? That is the challenge on those days. Questions like "why must I be so scared of getting out and meeting new people?".

There is hope, for all of us out there. There is a ray of sun shine that I must share with anyone reading this. Truth be told, I don't care how many people read this, for me just writing it is a little victory, getting the thoughts out and being able to look at them. This is therapy for me. I'm okay with that. That's why I'm not trolling around trying to get more people to follow me. I respect everyone and I appreciate all the comments. Believe me, if you are reading this and offering constructive thoughts and comments, I appreciate you more than you could know. It validates what I already believe. I'm getting off the point. Allow me to digress.

The hope out there is in the form of positive reinforcement. Every time we take a step forward, show that courage, we are bolstered. Ironic isn't it? When we act out of courage and fail, we draw back. When we act out of courage and succeed we feel like we could take on the next TEN obstacles and be victorious. However, if we act out of courage and FAIL, well the some of us try again. The harder we try and the more effort we express, the more we push ourselves the sweeter the victory when we finally do overcome the challenge. Notice how, there is no down side here? When we act out of courage, we win, no matter what. Either we overcome the challenge, or we fail and are afforded the opportunity to learn from that failure. The only true failure is not learning. Who the heck wants to go through something unpleasant and not walk away with anything? We just need to be smart or patient enough to learn from the experience. Open our minds enough to allow for learning.

I woke up today, and for the first time in a long time I was HUNGRY. I'm not talking about physical hunger, although I did enjoy my coffee and yogurt. I'm talking about the hunger for the next lesson. I have things that are happening in my life right now, like everyone, BEYOND MY CONTROL. I was hungry for the next challenge. I was HUNGRY for the next obstacle. I DESIRED the thrill of uncertainty. Who the heck wants to live a boring life, day in day out, knowing what will happen tomorrow? So scared of something foreign that we ignore the things we should be noticing. The things we take for granted will claim our complacency and rob us of the opportunity to become something GREAT. I am happy today because today, for the first time in a long time, I narrowed my eyes at the future, at the man in the mirror. I gritted my teeth and softly whispered "BRING IT ON".

I wish that everyone would find the courage within themselves to climb out of the comfort zone, because that's where the magic happens. Continue to do the things that allow you to express yourself. If you fail, LEARN and then succeed at finding out what else doesn't work. Solve the internal mystery of who you are, and learn those strengths and weaknesses. KNOW YOURSELF, and respect yourself. Then the courage will bloom like a flower on a spring morning, just as bright, just as beautiful, and the victory will smell just as sweet.

Best wishes to you all, thank you for reading.